I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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