Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
