One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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