My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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