I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
