Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
