Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
