blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
