I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
