i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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