woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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