Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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