I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
