All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
