Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
