i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
