the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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