he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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