i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
