Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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