how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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