we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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