It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
