margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
