Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
