Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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