So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
