Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
