I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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