at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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