My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
