the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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