Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
