We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
