your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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