i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
