he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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