If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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