The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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