I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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