you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
