My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
