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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
