Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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