did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
