I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
