We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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