He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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