i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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