and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
