Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
