Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
