its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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